++++doesn't flow, do it edit++++
Her hands began to weave through with the needled thread, patching up the worn seem of the shirt, she didn't care whose it was or about being considerate in the moment, right now sewing this shirt was the only thing that let her mind escape from its personal battlefield. Stitch after stitch, she seemed to become for engrossed in her needlework than reality. Eventually, she felt the unease on her head and the adrenaline whizzing up and down her body subside into a dull numb feeling. Time past, she still sat, secluding herself further and further from the great shadow in the corner of her mind. Hours may have passed by, but now she was fully in a world of the disconnected. For an instance, her attention fixated on the worn, dog eared map, nailed shamefully to the so called wall. Surges of emotion pulsated and bested around her brain, giving birth to a potential headache. A headache which consisted of stress, anxiety, guilt and anger. Deep down she felt anger. Not against this church. Against her, him, did it matter? All this time she had been lying to herself, trying to cover up her blunders to evade her epidemic of guilt, that's all she felt; guilt. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why...? That three letter word seemed to hung over her like an undertaker's scythe above her head, always there and always reminding you. "why does it still bother me so much?", she thought, her hands clenching around the objects in her hands, the grip tightening with every second. The gnawing anger and irritation inside of her seemed to double with every repetition, with every thought, the black mass inside of her grew, wild and ugly in intention. A sudden pounding in the sided of her temple screamed through her. Desperately, hands clenched the locks of hair on the side of her head and she cradled her head between her forearms, with her chin drawn into her neck. Soon she felt that blackness spread through each nerve, each vein, each artery until she was saturated with the dull empty void, a void that only reminded her of how pathetic a coward she was, always running away from a tough situation to the arms of the familiar. The grip of her hair seemed to tighten, until it came to a pressure great enough it deemed possible she would rip her hair out of her skull. Continuously, the void seemed to pulsate though her organs. Soon, the dreadful dispare which melted her psychological defences and enslaved her seemed to dim and subdue, piece by piece. Slowly, fists tightening and adrenaline soaring out of control, a cold damp coat of perspiration clung to her brow while her body rocked back and forth. The blackness seemed to dissolve and underneath came something that turned her rabid. A sweet and pure anger burned passionately in her soul. She tried to ignore the scratching in the back of her mind, the scratching that made her full of malice. She could hear and feel her heartbeat thumping uncontrollably in her ribcage and the sickly red infestation of anger ate her from the inside, snatching every sane thought. Along with the fire she could hear the words,the words that seemed to stab her abdomen day after day, year after year, coward. A traitor, spoilt, pathetic, stupid... All these words hit her like flaming arrows, adding to the already raging inferno. These words duplicated within her mind, become some sort of chant with unrecognisable voices. Her body folded like a shell, as If her limbs would protect her from the slaughter. Still the words repeated, and repeated: coward, traitor, spoilt, pathetic, stupid, coward, traitor, spoilt, pathetic, stupid, coward, traitors spoilt, pathetic, stupid.... Coward. Suddenly, an image of a man emerged in the red and the fire, familiar against the years. This image struck the match, the image of her father. Within the second, she kept from the bed, and screamed, louder with more volume each time, bursting the toxic world that she had built inside herself. She thrashed her arms around, kicked, punched, threw, she didn't care, the screaming became her rhythm. The sounds of ripping and shattering didn't seemed to appease the great wail from the woman. Through her cry, the violence continued, every piece of furniture and little ornament she owned got destroyed in the wake of her furry. Her face drenched with sweat and tears. Eventually, her fist landed on the floorboards, and her voice broke off into smaller screams, forming into the giant cries and sobs while she sank into the floor.
The scrubbing noise against the mangle kept her head focused. Chores, an easy way of being distracted. Whilst her lands kept scraping along the uneven surface through the cotton, her mind was rendered static. Her eyes fully fixated on her hands, with madenning attention. As she kept scrubbing, she was also scraping away the voices. Suddenly, thunder boomed across above her, shattering air itself with ear splitting volumes. Reflex fast, her hands covered her ears whilst she looked up. Nothing. Not a lightly dark cloud, not a glimmer of lightning, nothing. After some moments of the noise piercing the sky, she finally noticed that it came from the bell tower. Overcome by her own stupidity, she snorted and returned to her work, grinning at the fool she was. Just as the great shattering sound was over, a figure appeared behind her, it was the priest from yesterday, this time with more sympathetic eyes. Features as dull as ever. She turned quickly to face him.
"I'm afraid he wishes to meet you again, in 1 hour, if you may" he stated, trying not to look into her eyes.
"again?" she questioned.
He sighed before locking gazes with her.
"I'm sorry it has to be done this way, nonetheless, we feel it is time for you to leave, for your own sake",
The brunette sharply inhaled, and bit her lip to stop the tears penetrating to the surface of her lids.
"no, you're right, i've cause enough trouble, it is the best for both of us",
"Good, may god bless you" he finished, before smiling then disembarked.
A painful sting surfaced by the force with which she held back her cry. Her fists making tight balls as she continued to control them. Suddenly, her head turned to the bell tower. One hour, she thought. After moments of thinking blankly, she decided to leave the washing for a later date, now she had to prepare her mind for what was to come. Rapidly, she abandoned her chore and set foot for the city around her.